Rachel's Blog

Tue, 30 Jan 2007
Abbey's Mondegreen

Scoop up some muck
and roll it smooth,
Working together
is hard to do.

Note the anti-establishment undertones, the disregard for teamwork, the balanced meter, oblique rhyme. I couldn't be prouder.

Original Bob the Builder lyrics.

Mon, 29 Jan 2007
Tinned apple juice. With additives.

Coca-Cola Amatil have just launched a new energy drink to compete with Red Bull and V. It's a juice-based carbonated drink with way more guarana, caffeine and something called acai than a human body needs. It comes with those warnings on the side - not for the pregnant, the very young, the very old, or people who don't enjoying uncontrollable jittering.

The new drink is being marketed to young men, has a gothic-tattoo-flash-logo thingy on the packaging with fonts that are reminiscent of a video game. All silvery, red and black.

What's it called?


Come again?


Ooookay, let's think about this. What are they trying to say about this drink? People who drink Mother are caring, giving, and do your laundry if you buy them chrysanthemums once a year?

Perhaps it's supposed to be the Mother of All Drinks. Sorry, Coke, but I'm pretty sure that particular phrase is about three or four years out of popularity.

How I Met Your Mother?

Mother of God?

Mother, Mother?

Mother and Son?

What else could they have meant?

How about that expletive Bill Murray coined in Ghostbusters when he saw the Staypuft Marshmallow Man,
"Mother pus-bucket!"

Mmmm, tasty pus.

Which leaves us with - and I think this is where the marketeers were heading - that mother of all insults (sorry), Motherf*cker. Which we can extrapolate to "This drink will f*ck you up."

So there you have it. You have been warned. But if you were still going to try it despite the description of "caffeine-laden apple juice", well, you're on your own.

Redeeming features - nil.

Sitting through Allan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gold is guaranteed to make the next movie you see appear to be pure genius.

Fri, 26 Jan 2007
Letters by Anne Frank's father found

The letters of Otto Frank, father of diarist Anne Frank, have been discovered in New York's YIVO Institute for Jewish Research. The half-inch thick file documents Otto's efforts to get his family out of Nazi-occupied Holland during WWII.

Perhaps the most interesting question raised by the letters' release is why Otto Frank's letters and pleas were not answered. YIVO executive director Carl Rheins believes the Frank file raises profound questions about U.S. immigration policy.
The romantic bone's connected to the...

Ask anyone - it's true. I have not got a romantic bone in my body. I just don't get it. And also, which one would the romantic bone be? Patella? Mandible? Metatarsal? Oh, I know - the humerus. Because it sounds great, but when it gets hit, it really hurts.

But that's beside the point. I watched Charlotte Gray last night and quite enjoyed it once I got over the accent switching. Australian Cate Blanchette plays the title character who is Scottish, but while she's in France she speaks instead with a French accent. Subtitles would have been nicer on the ears. So it is a romantic movie, but I understand it now. It's fine to be romantic as long as you've got something productive to do at the same time. And what could be more romantic than joining the French Resistance and blowing up trains?

Tue, 16 Jan 2007
Abbey's First Joke
Q: What happens if a horse is scrambled eggs?
A: It eats itself!
(concludes with ROFLOL)
Thu, 11 Jan 2007
Extra-lucky feet.

Aaaand, we're back! If you missed out, here's where I got so desparate to say something that I posted to Livejournal. Yes, thank you. You can all stop laughing now.

Giant German rabbit

Fat rabbits. I think they'd make great pets. The trouble with pet rabbits is they're forever getting into places they shouldn't. What the world needs is a rabbit that can't fit behind the television to chew the wires or hop under your bed to deposit their smelly little gifts.

Even if they're too big to carry around in little handbags, imagine the potential for tying ribbons on those ears! And collars! A diamante collar for every fat german rabbit, I say.

(via FP)

Thu, 04 Jan 2007
It creeps and leaps and glides and slides
The Blob movie poster

This is what I would term a nice quiet horror movie - without any actual horror. Of course, The Blob is 50 years old now...who knows how terrifying it originally was. It's not exactly schlock-horror as it has a decent script and good performances (esp. Steve McQueen *swoon*). The special effects are quaint, almost to the point of being cute.
In summary, The Blob offers fun, not fear (which coincidently is my motto for 2007).

Spoilers for "The Blob" follow

However, if you've been a little negligent in doing your part to slow global warming, maybe you'd better take note of the ending.
Lt. Dave: "At least we've got it stopped."
Steve: "Yeah, as long as the Arctic stays cold."

So if you don't turn out those lights and walk to work every now and then, watch out! The Blob will get you!