Rachel's Blog: Tinned apple juice. With additives.

Mon, 29 Jan 2007

Coca-Cola Amatil have just launched a new energy drink to compete with Red Bull and V. It's a juice-based carbonated drink with way more guarana, caffeine and something called acai than a human body needs. It comes with those warnings on the side - not for the pregnant, the very young, the very old, or people who don't enjoying uncontrollable jittering.

The new drink is being marketed to young men, has a gothic-tattoo-flash-logo thingy on the packaging with fonts that are reminiscent of a video game. All silvery, red and black.

What's it called?


Come again?


Ooookay, let's think about this. What are they trying to say about this drink? People who drink Mother are caring, giving, and do your laundry if you buy them chrysanthemums once a year?

Perhaps it's supposed to be the Mother of All Drinks. Sorry, Coke, but I'm pretty sure that particular phrase is about three or four years out of popularity.

How I Met Your Mother?

Mother of God?

Mother, Mother?

Mother and Son?

What else could they have meant?

How about that expletive Bill Murray coined in Ghostbusters when he saw the Staypuft Marshmallow Man,
"Mother pus-bucket!"

Mmmm, tasty pus.

Which leaves us with - and I think this is where the marketeers were heading - that mother of all insults (sorry), Motherf*cker. Which we can extrapolate to "This drink will f*ck you up."

So there you have it. You have been warned. But if you were still going to try it despite the description of "caffeine-laden apple juice", well, you're on your own.